Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
