3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
