his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
