The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
