wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
