shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
