mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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