Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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