i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
