Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
