Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
