I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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