is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We have started to decorate penises.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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