I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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