Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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