Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
MIDGETS
????
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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