I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
