You're a womanizer and a bitch.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
