Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it was like eating out sand paper
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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