i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
