I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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