On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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