there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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