Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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