I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize