what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
