it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We got so high we made milksteak
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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