I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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