let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
