Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you didnt know i had herpes?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
