my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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