so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize