Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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