I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
