i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
