Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
