i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize