he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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