I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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