Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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