i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
