Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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