is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
