Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize