The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
