I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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