the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
