I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dicks are not precious.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
