My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
