i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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