it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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