ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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