when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
