Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found the puke drawer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
