oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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