If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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