Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
