I will die if light touches me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
