Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Never joke about your clitoris.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
