she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize