i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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