i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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