Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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