How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize