When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
