It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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