wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize