Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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