Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
